Fireflies.
Every so often, I reluctantly uncover memories of how it felt to be an introvert in high school. I remember breaking the rules to sneak my lunch into the journalism room so I could avoid walking into the cafeteria. I didn't believe there would be a welcoming seat waiting for me. I didn't talk to a lot of people in that season of my life. Because of that, I wove lies that I was unseen by high school humans into my brain.
But I also know how it feels to be filled with love and acceptance, sitting around a coffee shop table, warm mugs in hand, while speaking truths about God and life and listening intentionally on each others' stories. How different it is to be a part of an authentic community that breathes life into the soul.
Sweetest friend, if voices are whispering phrases like, "Nobody sees you. You're worth nothing. Nobody would notice if you disappeared into the dark, snowy night," I pray for a chance to proclaim from the mountaintops that those voices are laced with vicious lies with a plan intended for isolation.
God allowed me to lead a group of the bravest middle school girls for five days this summer. My sweet campers called themselves the Fireflies and they sat down at the table as they were, breaking into the nitty gritty of their hearts' burdens within mere hours of meeting each other. They formed a bare bones community, overflowing an abundance of love and acceptance. My girls were the community that I wished I had when I felt invisible, so I tried to remind them daily that they are seen, brave, worthy, valuable and so, so loved.
This is a love letter to all who crave community and to those who haven't found it quite yet:
Give the lonely season time, sweet friend. Give it a fight. Sometimes it's a matter of praying for a life-bringing community. God wired our souls with a desire to be in community — in fact, He said it's not good for humans to be alone.
We matter, our thoughts and works are precious so we are so much bigger than shallow conversation. Life is sweeter when we have intricately woven relationships rooted in God, and He calls us loved. This life is much too difficult to walk by ourselves.
Much love,
Kate
Currently: October 11, 2016
Feeling insanely inspired by the way Jedidiah Jenkins' words breathe his desire for wringing out every last beautiful second of adventure during his days on earth. I took time to handwrite the transcript of this four minutes and thirteen seconds video into my journal, allowing the letters to form thoughts that made my heart beat a little faster. How simple it is for us to get sucked into routine, to realize that all of a sudden it's October again and this life is going by faster than we'd like it to. And how many of our days are spent learning something new or finding beauty in a new place? It starts with a perspective change and then proceeds with the doing. You can choose to make your hundred years on earth seem like a thousand...
And a few more select words from Jedidiah because they're that good...
“I believe in the goodness of humanity, and I find human beings so beautiful. I think it’s our self-hatred that creates feverish little monsters that go around hurting people. If we understood that we are all lovely and lovable, we would hurt fewer people.”
"A tidal wave of fire. Only to please your eyes. I googled 'why do leaves change color' and I expected some important answer. Maybe animals need to see the color for some reason. Maybe the trees process the last bit of winter sun through yellow and red. No. It's because the green chlorophyll dies away and what is left are the other pigments. Meaning, the beauty serves no purpose. Somehow, that makes it all so much more beautiful to me. Like God of the Magnificent Process of All Things planned it, if only to give those creatures with eyes and a mysterious love of beauty one last show before the world falls asleep for winter."
“A dream is something in your spirit that you need to produce, say, or do. A goal is what you think the manifestation of that dream is. People feel like they fail when they don’t reach their goals, but sometimes your goals are only a rung on the ladder of figuring out your dreams.”
Currently: October 4, 2016
Today's rain carries more characteristics to early spring weather because green spaces are still abundant against the gray sky. Fall has arrived though and days when the sky opens up set me in a desire to close my eyes and listen to sounds that mix well with the drops falling to the roof, so here are some of my favorites today: Sufjan Stevens. Bon Iver. The Apache Relay. Air Traffic Controller. The Lumineers. The National. Houndmouth. Typhoon. Take in the rain. Take in the sound.
Sufjan Stevens — "Futile Devices"
Bon Iver — "29 #Strafford APTS"
The Apache Relay — "Can't Wake Up"
Air Traffic Controller — "You Know Me"
The Lumineers — "Ophelia"
The National — "Fake Empire"
Houndmouth — "Sedona"
Typhoon — "Summer Home"
The season is one of bravery.
Lately fear seems to be a weed baring its thorny teeth as it slowly constricts the garden of my heart's bravery. Somehow I've given fear permission to nestle its roots into my brain and it whispers things like: "You aren't brave enough to crawl out of this rut of directionless living! Any decision you make will be rash and you'll go to the wrong place just because you crave movement! You're going to fail and fall hard! You will find desolate loneliness because you don't have a map! You're not the brave person your campers thought you were this summer."
Sometimes humans have seasons of their lives that rest at the dead center of balance between fear and bravery. If we stay in the middle, we'll starve. There won't be movement. We can give into fear but its thorny teeth will gnaw away at hope — I don't want that for myself anymore, and I don't wish that for you. It's a mighty task to yank out fear's roots but it can be done. It starts with surrender.
Late last night I made a list of the things that could happen if I can be brave enough to hand the lies that are whispering in my brain over to God and allow Him to use me in any way He desires.
I won't just speak bravery, I'll leave footprints of it behind me as I walk. I'll find growth in the waiting as I make decisions based on God's still, small voice when I hear it, partnered with the counsel of trusted friends and family. Maybe being brave will cause my heart to evolve into its fullest capacity. The actions that follow might bring light to this world that grows cloudier every day.
Maybe I'll write a book. Maybe I'll create content that fulfills my desire to show humans that they're worthy, seen, valuable, loved and brave. My camp friend Meghan spoke some powerful words to me the other day: "Kate, words are your bravery. Your words make other people embrace bravery. Share it with the world."
I just started Jennie Allen's bible study called "Discover God's Dream for You" on the YouVersion app. She shared that King David's desire to seek God's heart and will allowed him to live a passionate life that changed the history of the world. Acts 13:36 says, "After David served God's purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep." David fell asleep, but not until he chose to serve God's unique purpose for his life.
I don't want to sleepwalk through my days on earth. I don't want to waste the breaths I take by falling into a hole of something without meaning.
More than anything, I want a job that lets God use my brave pieces for a purpose. I want to live a passionate life of seeking beauty. I crave a fearless courage that leads to the doing.
That's hard to explain to people because realistically speaking, an adult needs a job to make the monthly payments for an apartment, a car, student loans and all the other expenses that allow comfortable living. That's important and necessary for functioning in society and I understand that fully.
I'm not trying to romanticize an unrealistic lifestyle and I will be smart, but I want to walk with a faith trusting that things will indeed work out for beauty and responsibility. An equal balance of faith and realism, methodically and intentionally decided (which unfortunately is a slow process for me). I think letting the seed of bravery grow high enough to turn the doorknob is what I need for the way my heart works, opening the door to let realism mesh with God's purpose for me being in this generation.
In attempt to only speak truth, I still feel like I'm in the center between fear and bravery. I could be pulled either way but as I study bravery more and more, fear is being conquered. A life of bravery is like stepping off a cliff without the foggiest idea of what's coming next, but carrying faith that your hands, turned up in constant praise, will be grasped tightly so you cannot fall.
I encourage you to write two lists. One of your fears and anxieties, the others of what could happen if you surrender those to let God lead your steps. Realize that your fears are feelings and your dreams are actions. Actions are stronger than feelings. God has called us to be brave in purpose, and we're equipped to work on whatever that purpose is. This season for me is one of a working bravery. Maybe it's yours too.
Much love,
Kate
Currently: September 27, 2016
If there's one thing you'll catch me nerding about besides fonts, it's Harry Potter. No shame. With all the scary stuff going on in the world and the serious election day nearing, the Patronus quiz on Pottermore seemingly unveiled at the golden hour. I found myself watching my otter travel through the dark woods and an undeniable wave of calm surprisingly washed over my anxious mind. A person's Patronus is a guardian built on a memory of absolute happiness, meant to protect against dark things like dementors (and maybe Trump). I grew up with the story and having a Patronus now is kind of magical.
While the Patronus quiz was the most sentimental thing popping up this week, I found a few more that you might like! Click the italics for more details on everything. Enjoy the last few days of September, friends. It's almost time to break out those $3 Goodwill cardigans.
Pottermore Patronus
Memories of my childhood adventures with Harry, Ron and Hermione flooded back when my otter appeared from the silver cloud. Growing up, I felt a kinship with Hermione that never dissipated, so sharing a Patronus with a girl I so frequently wished to be friends with did mean something to me, even now as a 23-year-old. Also an otter supposedly means play, laughter and feminine wisdom. Nerd ramble over. Still no shame.
Did you take the quiz? What's your Patronus?
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
I recently bought this daily devo after my sweet camp friend Morgan showed me her copy over the summer. The content is essentially a short note written from Jesus' perspective and the daily words seem to strike my heart in exactly the right way — there are also a few verses on each page to supplement the content. The gold page detailing strikes my heart too. Invest in this book if you're looking for daily initiative to get into the Word. I recommend fully!
I've been a longtime listener to Sufjan Stevens and when I heard this song a few days ago, I closed my eyes and let the sounds resonate to my soul. Not often that a song truly digs into my heart but "Death With Dignity" did.
Learning to Be
I stumbled across a blog called "That First Year: Tidbits and Tales from that First Year after College and Beyond," and so many of the words make me shout, "YES! Me too!" If any of you readers are newly out of college and navigating the waters of the actual adult world, take a look here for some sweet words of encouragement.
Selfoss Cake
How exquisite is this cake?? It's also Icelandic and if you remember my very first Currently post, Iceland is at the top of my "to-travel to" list. Photographer and author Jen Jacobs says this of the cake in her blog: "Iceland is another planet. A moonscape of ice blue, jet black, and neon green. While co-leading a visual storytelling workshop last year, we spent the days on the road exploring. One of our first stops was the small town of Selfoss for coffee and a cocoa-whipped meringue pie studded with chocolate-covered raisins, boiled peanuts and a drizzle of honey. As we traveled through the West Fjords and the southwest coast, we found meringue cakes in nearly every café we visited, but I fell hardest for the slice in Selfoss. This is my interpretation of that dessert."
Skimm the Vote
While this is the last bit for this week's Currently post, it's the most important. There are no excuses to not vote in a few weeks. There's a lot riding on this election and hopefully that sank in after last night's debate. The Skimm has made it easier than shaving your legs to double check you're registered and ready to go. You can apply for an absentee ballot if you want. Just vote. It's your right and it matters.